Wash Day, Every Day: An Honest Relationship With My Hair

My hair and I have been in a long-term relationship for my entire life, and like most long-term relationships, there have been some rough patches.

There was the phase where I fought it every single morning. The phase where I bought every product an influencer mentioned, until my bathroom looked like a pharmacy. The phase where my hair broke combs and cut hair clips… I mean every black girl can attest to this phase and there’s the phase where I just put it under a wig and call it a day… for months…

We’re in a better place now. Mostly. It still ignores me on humid days.

Every head is different, and that’s the whole point

Straight, wavy, curly, coily, fine, thick, thinning, relaxed, natural, braided, buzzed, wigged, dyed every colour of the rainbow. Every woman reading this has a different relationship with her hair, and there is no single routine that works for all of us.

So ignore anyone, including me, who claims to have the one secret. What you’re looking for is what works for your hair, your schedule and your budget.

What actually helped me

Learning my hair rather than copying someone else’s. I spent years following routines designed for hair nothing like mine. Once I paid attention to how mine actually behaves, how it feels when it’s dry, when it’s happy, when it’s over it, everything got easier.

Doing less. Fewer products, fewer steps, less heat. It turns out my hair didn’t need a twelve-step programme. It needed me to stop bothering it so much.

Being gentle. Gentle detangling, gentle styles, a satin scarf or pillowcase at night. Nothing glamorous, but it adds up.

Being honest about time. If a style takes four hours and I have forty minutes, it’s not a style for me right now. Protective and low-maintenance styles aren’t giving up. They’re time management.

When to see a professional

If you’re noticing sudden shedding, patches or scalp problems that won’t settle, skip the internet and see a dermatologist or a trichologist. Some hair issues are signs of something going on elsewhere in your body, and that’s worth getting checked properly.

Make peace

Your hair isn’t a problem to solve. It’s part of you. Some days it’ll cooperate and some days it won’t, and either way, you’ll still walk out the door looking like yourself.

And honestly? Yourself is the look.

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