Situationships, Group Chats and the Lost Art of Saying What You Mean

I once spent forty-five minutes analysing a text that said “haha yeah maybe.” Three words. Forty-five minutes. Screenshots were shared. Theories were formed.

We are, collectively, the most emotionally literate generation in history. We know about attachment styles, love languages and red flags. We can spot a narcissist from a single profile photo.

And yet we cannot, under any circumstances, simply say what we mean.

The situationship economy

The situationship exists because labels feel risky. If you never say what you are, nobody can tell you that you’re wrong. If you never ask for anything, nobody can say no.

It feels safe. It isn’t. It just moves the pain somewhere else: into the waiting, the guessing, and the slow realisation that you’ve given months to something that was never going to become anything.

If you want clarity, you have to be willing to hear an answer you don’t like. That’s the deal. That has always been the deal.

Say the thing

Here’s my radical proposal: say the thing.

“I like you and I’d like to see where this goes.”

“I’m not looking for anything serious right now.”

“That comment hurt my feelings.”

“I need more from this friendship than I’m getting.”

These sentences are terrifying. They are also short, clear, and they save everyone weeks of confusion. The worst outcome is that you get an honest answer, and an honest answer, even a painful one, beats a year of “haha yeah maybe.”

It’s not just romance

This applies to friendships too, maybe more. Group chats are where honesty goes to die. Someone stops replying, someone feels left out, someone’s hurt by a joke, and instead of talking about it, everyone just mutes the chat and drifts.

Good friendships survive honest conversations. In fact, they usually need them.

A gentle challenge

This week, say one thing directly that you’d normally hint at. To a partner, a friend, a sister, your mother. Keep it kind. Keep it short.

Then watch what happens. Most of the time, the other person was waiting for someone to go first.

Be the one who goes first.

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